The lies that I told you… I too believed them at the time.

So don’t think me so cruel,

I was an idiot under spells of deception.

I was weak in a moment that lasted twenty some odd years.

I know it seems like I owe you but I have only just now found this mirror.

All the times that I’d hold you and whisper goose bumps into your ear.

I said we are forever.

I said so many things just to keep you near.

I was weak in a moment that lasted twenty some odd years.

I know it seems like I owe you but I have only just now found the mirror.

I need some time to look around, some time to understand, some time to remember, time to separate…

The lies that I told you… I too believed them at the time.

So don’t think me so cruel, 

I was an idiot under spells of deception.

When you calm down we can talk about all the things that you said in your rage.

I can’t even hear you and I know that I don’t know everything,

but I can see the look on your face.

And I know that face I’ve seen it in just about every position; a smile, a frown, and now frozen.

And when the numbness settles in, it seems like noone’s getting in,

No matter what they say to you.

But I wanna try.

I wanna try.

I want to be the one to be there for you.

I wanna try. 

Let me try.

Let me be the the one to be there for you.

What you left unspoken I picked up as broken pieces trying to set it right.

This is only one moment in a stack of growing memories fading into our history. 

I am an observer in the night, watching you leave yet holding you tight. 

You’ll never know my love for you.

Listen, I know you try to keep it in, but I see that your thoughts are hidden and you say you can’t let me in.

The leaves of grass will split and splay, will grow away from where the roots push down.

The stone cold shoulders and crooked focus will fester on, decay in the sun.

Eleven years, like garden rows, so beautiful, you’ve become your own.

But the season changes with God’s cycle and we are faced with what we must.

Your story starts here.

This is not the end.

Stacks of white paper are the walls and stairs.

Fill in the pages and always know,

The pain of ages is how we grow away.

Time is a lenient shepard letting memories stray and dissipate.

Take what matters and let the rest be clustered and released like tiny sparrows in the night.