This painting came about in a mysterious way. I tried to think of how I hold information in my mind and let it mill around and connect, disconnect, reconnect. How it disseminates throughout my body and also throughout my sphere of influence, meaning all the interactions I have with people and with my environment. There must be a sense of how it looks if we could only see it.
Our lives are complicated and diverse and all of us are dealing with so many things at once. I am in awe of it. I can see it in my friends, and how they make sense of things, how they relate their own lives and choices to the world around them. They look like whispy connections to me. They look like little threads going here and there. It looks complicated and beautiful like what you see in the natural world.
I guess this painting started with trying to illustrate that, but then it moved into being an imprint of what I was going through at the particular moment. I don’t feel like I can sum it up here, because it is just a moment of time, something I explained by painting it. It’s too vast and personal to just spill my guts trying to explain it. It’s just më, and what I was going through at that snapshot.
The colors I chose were deliberate to show mystery, resilience, and threads of connective understanding. I think I felt confusion and frustration with a tinge of despair at that moment. There is a weight to it, that I felt I was working through.
I recently heard Tori Amos talking about her writing process and how the Pandemic was weighing her down and she had to “write herself out of that place”. That really resonated with me because I have always felt that same way about creativity. It has been the best way for me to make sense of the world when I feel like the world doesn’t make sense.
So the title of this piece is “Disseminate” which means “to scatter or spread widely, as though sowing seed; promulgate extensively; broadcast; disperse.” I feel it best describes what is going on in this image. I see it as an open interpretation, or template to how the mind works in a non-linear way to make sense of what is happening.