“No Such Thing As Silence”
“Can you hear my voice?
A tap at a window.
A drop of a pebble.
A circle of cadence all wound up together.
Up and down
My voice shifts with
The mood that suits.
Sometimes I can see my reflection in ripples around me.
There is no such thing as silence.”
As a child I used to try to be invisible. I would hide so still, trying so hard not to make any noise at all. Then I would hear my stomach gurgle, or my breath scrape the silence. My clothes would shift, or I would hear my eye lashes clink together if I blinked.
I wanted to know what the world would be if I weren’t in it. How would my sisters get along if I weren’t there to mediate? Who would do my paper route? I really wanted to know. It wasn’t a morbid feeling, just a curiosity.
As I got older, in the phase where you’re desperate to find your identity, I wondered how I was having an impact in the world. I learned of the ripple effect and became extremely curious about what kind of ripples I was creating, if any! I suppose in times of sticky depression I thought there were no ripples good or bad, I just existed in between the words....If words make up people’s thoughts. I wanted to have no ripples, because when you’re depressed, you’re a “life denier”. You try not to take up space in the world. Apologizing to everyone for even existing.
Now I see that whatever I do reverberates around me. It makes either a terrible cage to live in, or a beautiful palace.
Either way, I have to live where I live.
This painting is an illustration of that feeling in its essence. The dark area on the right is where the colors originate and flow out. Each ribbon of color is an experience which releases bits of visible personality.
This painting is currently available-